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Beerlust

Joke For The Day!

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A guy walks into a bar in Cork, Ireland, and asks the barman;

 

"What's the quickest way to Dublin?"

 

"Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman.

 

"Driving," says the man.

 

"That's the quickest way," says the barman.

 

 

 

Stay smiling for the rest of the day! biggrin

 

Lusty.

 

  • Haha 1

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I was watching a documentary yesterday, 'The Irish Pub'. Well worth the watch for the history. Here's my favourite story told deadpan by one barman as if it happen yesterday.

 

An American tourist came in and she says, "Sir I'd like to make a complaint. There is no lock on your toilet door."

"Well ma'am, I says. My grandfather opened this pub in 1910, and ran it for almost 40 years. My father took over and he ran it for another 4 decades. Now ma'am, I've been running this place for 25 years myself. And you know what missus, in all that time nobody has stolen a sh#t yet".

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An Irishman walked into a hardware store & up to the counter.

 

A storeperson greeted him & asked, "How can I help you?"

 

"I need some nails." said the Irishman.

 

"How long do you need them?" the storeperson asked.

 

The Irishman said, "Forever, if that's alright with you?!!"

 

tongue

 

Cheers,

 

Lusty.

  • Haha 1

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A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage.

 

The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent so the boy said he'd ask his manager.

 

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some dickhead wants to buy a half a head of cabbage."

 

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

 

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who can think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

 

"Queensland, sir," the boy replied.

 

"Why did you leave Queensland," the manager asked.

 

The boy said, "Sir, there’s nothing but harlots and rugby league players up there."

 

"Really!" said the manager. "My wife's from Queensland!"

 

The boy replied, "No shit ? Who did she play for ?"

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Q: What did socialists use before candles?

A: Electricity. biggrin

After recent events' date=' are you suggesting South Australia has become a socialist state? [img']unsure[/img] tongue

 

biggrin

 

Cheers,

 

Lusty.

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Q: What did socialists use before candles?

A: Electricity. biggrin

After recent events' date=' are you suggesting South Australia has become a socialist state? [img']unsure[/img] tongue

 

biggrin

 

Cheers,

 

Lusty.

Affirmative! biggrin

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Sorry no joke as such.

While we are sticking it to socialists (they drink beers and have worked in breweries for centuries) George Orwell has some very incisive and somewhat humorous descriptions regarding socialists, Marxists and fascists in his book" The Road to Wigan Pier". Beer drinking being the solace for many a coal miner and unemployed poor man in England early last century.

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2 Ducks are on their honeymoon , male duck calls down to concierge and asks for a box of condoms sent to his room .

Concierge replies "right away sir , would you like them on your bill ?"

Duck replies " Don't be stupid ! , i'd suffocate "

really about the worst joke i've ever heard ...sharing the pain

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Not a joke as such, more a funny.

 

 

It made me laugh. lol

 

Cheers,

 

Lusty.

  • Haha 2

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A panda walks into a bar

He scoffs down some peanuts, pulls out a pistol and fires it into the ceiling, and then heads for the door

"Hay" yells the barman. But the panda yells back

"I'm a Panda, Google me"

Sure enough, panda:- "A tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white markings,

Eats shoots and leaves."

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Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.

The barman says "why the long face?"

 

"I have a jaw like Celine Dion," replies Sarah

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Why does a chicken coup only have 2 doors?

 

Cause if it had 4, it'll be called a sedan

  • Haha 1

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Spilt Enz Icy Red Pale Ale.

SpiltEnz-I-C-Red_V1.jpg

Red? = Fail. 👎 🤣 ( I did know this well before today though 😉)

Hop flavour & aroma = Terrific. 👍

First time ever using Red-X malt & CaraRed so really had no idea on the weights required to throw the hue, but now have an idea about their strengths based on weight. I can see a hint of the reddish hue that is likely coming from the CaraRed so may double that weight next time & add a small amount of choc malt, midnight wheat, black patent or roasted barley. If I double the CaraRed weight I may have to increase my percentage of dextrose slightly to keep it from being unlikeably sweet. This beer drinks nice & dry (but fruity) so my balance was good on weights I reckon.

Back to the drawing board on red. 😋

Cheers,

Lusty.

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I can never see your pics @Beerlust i don't have any issues with anyone else on this forum haha.

I used 23% of RedX in my last IPA and it turned out nice with a good hint of redness, i'm going to up it next time though.

Cheers,
Hoppy

Edited by Hoppy81

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What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?"

"One's a crusty bus station, and the other's a busty crustacean

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Here's one for you.

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. 
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. 
The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers. 
One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. 
When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. 
So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. 
All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. 
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. 
But it hasn't affected me brothers though."

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  • Haha 6

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5 hours ago, CLASSIC said:

 "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. 

Bloody protestants 

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