Classic Brewing Co Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 Can you blokes read these ? Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife... she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months." Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... women like that are hard to find." A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollarsfor dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive." "Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex." 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malter White Posted May 17, 2019 Share Posted May 17, 2019 A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender. "I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" "Certainly, sorry about that" says the bartender as he pours the duck a pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?" "I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer." The flabbergasted bartender cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the bartender says to him: "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!" "Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call." So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the bartender says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money." "I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?" "At the circus," says the bartender. "The circus?" repeats the duck. "That's right," replies the bartender. "The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big TENT?" "Yeah!" the bartender replies. "With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck. "Of course," the bartender replies. "And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck. "That's right!" says the bartender. The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says: "What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer???" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackSands Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Captain!! Posted May 28, 2019 Share Posted May 28, 2019 Hey Blacksands. I’ve been interested in this blokes comedy for some time. I found him through his brothers music. Good stuff 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddyBrew2 Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussiekraut Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 Q: What's the difference between capitalism and communism? A: In capitalism, people exploit people. Q: And in communism? A: It's the other way round. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Captain!! Posted June 8, 2019 Share Posted June 8, 2019 Found our work toilet like this this morning. Some people just have way too much time on their hands 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
der kleine Drache Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 So this delivery truck driver from Tiny Rebel Brewing orders a Fosters lager after unloading at the last pub for the day. The bartender says: -I'd never had thought You of all people ordering a Fosters. -Well my wife hates when I smell beer. Old joke I know... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
der kleine Drache Posted June 25, 2019 Share Posted June 25, 2019 The police found a still in the farmers house. -You're gonna get arrested for making illegal alcohol. -I have'nt made any moonshine! -You've got the tool for it. -Well arrest me for rape then cos I've got the tool for that too! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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