Mental Health

[Beeblebrox]

Since someone brought up the topic of OCD, I thought I'd start a thread where this and other conditions can be discussed in a respectful and thoughtful way, without fear of intentions being misunderstood.

 

I have mild OCD; mild in that it pops up from time to time, and sometimes is almost absent entirely.

OCD is not just the stereotypical obsessive behaviour, such as hand washing, counting objects, or rituals and routine, though these play a role.

OCD is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - it is a condition that causes one to obsess about things, and to have intrusive and persistent thoughts that may be confronting, upsetting, or just irritating.

 

For example, I have had some run ins with my next door neighbour, who after a brief friendship, has decided she does not like me and who also appears to have OCD.

On a few occasions she has unexpectedly dropped notes in my mailbox, complaining about behaviour of mine that she does not like, such as smoking cigarettes on my front porch - which I can assure you I am perfectly permitted to do where I live.

 

She started with playing "Rat in Ma Kitchen" by UB40 on a small tinny music player when I sat out front having a smoke.

This escalated to playing this song on continual loop whenever I was out the front, regardless of if I was smoking or not, and then morphed into her playing an anti smoking radio advertisement on continual loop at the front whenever I was around.

 

Eventually she dropped a note in my mailbox, threatening legal action (which would not be effective as I am not in breach of any laws, regulations or lease conditions); however the cumulative effect was that now I check my mailbox day and night several times, and rather than subject myself to abuse from her, I smoke at my back porch - as this will not lead to smoke entering her bedroom which was her main complaint.

 

As a result of this, (and other harassment from neighbours), I now am reluctant to sit on my front porch when this neighbour is around; thankfully she is never out of bed before 12pm, so I have the mornings to get by without this concern.

Literally now, if I try to sit out the front and have a smoke, I will find myself on the verge of an anxiety attack, my hands will shake, my heart rate will increase, and I will start sweating, even in winter.

So I don't avoid smoking out the front to appease this neighbour, I avoid smoking out the front so I don't go into a full blown panic attack!

 

When I hear her or see her, my anxiety level rises, and I find my OCD kicks up a few notches; I may find myself checking my mailbox every few hours, washing my hands more frequently, or just obsessively thinking about this neighbour, who clearly wishes to intimidate and provoke me.

When this happens, I find it hard to concentrate, or complete tasks, such as house cleaning, or even sitting still long enough to read a few pages of a book or newspaper.

 

I also live with High Functioning Autism, or Asperger's Syndrome, and some form of Bipolar Disorder, as well as Anxiety, and PTSD.

Put all of these conditions together, and you find me in various mental states from day to day, and sometimes hour to hour, depending on how much stimulation, or disruption (such as external noise from construction, power tools etc) I am exposed to.

 

Some days I have accomplished enough if I have managed to just last the day and take my dog for his regular two walks in the day as well as feed him, whereas on other days if I have a more hypomanic episode, I may be able to do all the housework, several loads of washing, and get a brew underway, as well as a workout and several other things I've been putting off.

 

So far as the PTSD - well it mostly lays dormant, however when I can smell wood smoke - especially at night, I will become agitated, restless, and will almost invariably need to take something to help me get back to sleep, or just to get the anxiety under control; this all thanks to taking holidays at Sussex Inlet some years ago with family when a bushfire came through and forced us to evacuate to the local club, and then be bussed off to another town in the middle of the night, driving through a dark road surrounded by embers and flames coming from the trees that had been swept by the bushfire.

We were escorted by police and the fire brigade, but for me this just made the occasion more anxiety provoking and seemed somewhat surreal at the time.

I didn't even know the impact this had had on me until several years later!

 

Likewise I get edgy in strong wind storms, as it corresponds to an event when I was a deckhand and a passenger on the ferry I was working on plunged overboard to his death; I wasn't even on the ferry at the time, but started my shift the next day, and had to sleep on the ferry (or at least try to) with the knowledge that someone had jumped overboard that night and had not been found - he floated up a week or so later when I was at the wheel.

 

There were a number of other occasions where I was exposed to things I was simply not prepared for, so as a result I have numerous triggers that can bring my PTSD to the surface and ruin my day, as well as my wife's.

 

The PTSD, Anxiety, Asperger's and Bipolar are all ever present, waiting for a trigger to plunge me into mental anguish.

Some days I barely know I have any of these conditions, some days I just want to stay in bed all day, and some days I'm tempted to just end it all.

 

The way I see it, although it's a terrible thing to live with, and can impact everything in my life, living with these conditions and surviving means I'm strong, regardless of the depths of depression, anxiety, and whatever else I have to deal with.

 

After all if I can live with all this and still get on in life (admittedly without being in paid employment) every day I survive is a bonus.

I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor, but the battle won't be over until it ends, either in my finding the tools to put these conditions in their place, or the conditions take me entirely, but you can bet either way, I won't go down without a fight.

[Nashibeir]

my wife and I are ex smokers giving up when we had our first of three kids and our neighbours used to smoke on the back porch and the smoke would waft in through our living room so I can understand your neighbours point however we never did or said anything because we new they had every right to smoke in there back yard. They've since had there first child and have both given up as well so problem solved.

 

I guess there's no real point to my post but with all these issues your suffering you might feel a lot better about yourself if you gave up smoking, you could even thank your neighbour for helping you to come to the decision and maybe even rekindle the friendship.

 

or just tell to her to F@#K off and smoke your head off, jeezus Id love a ciggie right now

[Beeblebrox]

my wife and I are ex smokers giving up when we had our first of three kids and our neighbours used to smoke on the back porch and the smoke would waft in through our living room so I can understand your neighbours point however we never did or said anything because we new they had every right to smoke in there back yard. They've since had there first child and have both given up as well so problem solved.

 

I guess there's no real point to my post but with all these issues your suffering you might feel a lot better about yourself if the gave up smoking you could even thank your neighbour for helping you to come to the decision and maybe even rekindle the friendship.

 

or just tell to her to F@#K off and smoke your head off' date=' jeezus Id love a ciggie right now[/quote']

 

I take your point, but not going to happen.

I quit smoking ages ago, (well several times in fact, with up to 10 years between smokes), but it was the stress and anxiety, along with other factors that lead to me taking up smoking again, and at this point I'm finding the smoking does help; though of course I'm well aware of the consequences and risks of smoking, which I do my best to counter with an otherwise healthy lifestyle and diet.

In reality, smoking is the absolute least of my worries.

 

This particular neighbour gets about in a wheelchair (as does my wife), and also has Tourettes, along with OCD, and goodness knows what else.

She's one of those neighbors that sits at her front entrance ambushing other neighbours to have a whinge session, and literally sits around waiting for something to happen so she'll have something to complain about.

 

When she was moving in (which literally took her months and is a whole other story), I helped with cleaning her gutters, front and back porch, tidied up her garden, and lent her an air purifier to help get rid of smells left in the dwelling by a previous neighbour.

She repaid me by wrecking the air purifier by getting it wet, and never really thanked me for anything I did.

 

Then one day she decided that when I was watering her garden I was deliberately flooding her front porch - she's next door and down hill from us, so where else would the water go when she was stupid enough to pave the garden adjacent to our fence - where previously the garden bed had soaked up the water?

I can't win with this neighbour, so I do my best to ignore her, or at least not interact with her.

 

Some days I wish I had a physical rather than mental condition, so people would at least see that I'm struggling, rather than just write me off as difficult or decide that everything I do is to upset someone else, which clearly isn't the case.

 

Too many neighbours here with too much time on their hands, and too willing to make judgements about what others around them do.

Unfortunately you get that in public housing, especially when most residents are retirees, or have some sort of issues.

[Magnaman]

G'day, some may find this of interest? Men's Sheds Australia.... also, Men's Sheds Association

 

 

They are also growing in the UK and Europe

 

Cheers.

[Beeblebrox]

Thanks Magnaman, very useful to some, but not so much for me.

For now I stick with my routine, and go out for a monthly bushcare session, which is somewhat like doing Men's Shed stuff; therapy without doing therapy, as you pull weeds etc.

As John Lennon said "whatever gets you through the night.."

 

That said, in my case I'm doing all the right things as best as I can, sticking with the same GP, taking my meds, and awaiting an appointment next month with a new specialist (finding the right mental health practitioner is a tedious but essential task for those of us needing appropriate care, and being treated as a person with a condition, rather than a generic case of whatever condition is essential.

A doctor can have the best knowledge in the world, but if it's not augmented by a good "bedside manner" and ability to take your individual concerns on board; well sometimes you're better off doing it alone than getting so called help that doesn't help).

 

After several misdiagnoses, being put on meds that made things worse, and going on and off meds over the years, I know how hard it is to get the right help, and often a well-meaning, but misguided, or wrong fit with a doctor only causes a setback.

 

Case in point I had an appointment with a doctor who had an office up a flight of stairs with a locked door with keypad entry, and no one to answer the door.

I went there seeking help, cancelled the appointment and went home with a panic attack!

 

I manage to get by, some days are better than others, but it is a daily grind trying to get by, as Forest Gump said; "life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get".

Not every day is the same, some days everything just falls into place, some days I just feel like falling over.

Today obviously is a good day, or I wouldn't even be able to post.

 

[King Ruddager]

Good on you for sharing all that Beeblebrox

[Beeblebrox]

Good on you for sharing all that Beeblebrox

 

Thanks Ruddy, of course that's only a snippet of my story, and there is a whole lot more I'll leave to the imagination, or another time.

 

What's more important is opening the discussion about mental health, seeing as it is mental health week.

With that in mind, this link is well worth a look, and will give insight into what some of us have to go through just to get through out lives:

 

http://www.abc.net.au/mentalas/

[Beeblebrox]

A little O/T, but feel the need to vent.

Had a pretty ordinary w/e, and there were a few things that pushed me close to breaking point.

I watched most of the Mental As programs, and some of them were really helpful, in that I could relate, but didn't feel too overwhelmed.

Some of them were pretty close to home, but still okay.

Then of course there was the weather, and the back-burning which of course I understand was pretty important, but having been through a bushfire and evacuation etc, that's still a bit of a trigger for me.

Likewise, having to deal with - or at least listen to SWMBO vent about what's happening with her mother's dementia was a bit much.

Unfortunately as good a companion as he is, the dog tends to over empathize with me, so when woodsmoke keeps me awake, it keeps him awake too, he gets nightmares, and feels the need to go outside in the middle of the night, to check all is ok, which means I miss out on much needed sleep; I can't leave the door open, as the gates are a bit low, and if panicked he may be able to jump them.

 

So today will be a write off, thankfully I don't exactly have a full schedule, and I know what to do to try to keep all this crap from getting to me when I'm on my own (apart from my faithful greyhound).

Won't go into detail, but I have meds that I normally take, and know what to take and how much at times like now when it all feels too much.

There is a difference between taking a few more meds than usual and OD'ing, and I'm very conscious of the difference, and how much is appropriate to take before I go too far.

 

So BB is having a bad day, but hopefully a few days of pharmaceutical assistance and quiet should get me back on track.

 

I usually wouldn't share this sort of stuff here, but being as last week was mental health week, I thought a few glimpses into the life of someone who struggles with mental illness from time to time and who also enjoys drinking and home brewing beer might bring it home that this sort of stuff can happen to any of us, and most suffer in silence, which is much more dangerous than getting it out in the open, seeking help, or acknowledging that we don't all have the solutions to our problems, and need to know when to seek help, whether it be counselling, meds, some sort of therapy, or sometimes just a holiday.

 

Most likely I won't post anything more on this in the foreseeable future, but if I do I hope you'll be patient with me, and accept that I'm trying my best to get my stuff together, at the same time as give a glimpse of how some who may seem normal (for obsessive home brewers), can sometimes find it hard to keep going in the face of adversity.

 

I know there's beyond blue, lifeline etc, but I do have an appointment with someone who should be able to help in 3 weeks time, and a GP that will fit me in if it gets to crisis point, so I do have my support backup plan in place.

 

Cheers.

[antiphile]

Hi Zaphod

 

I can empathise with you about your sheety weekend. Mine was a bit similar.

 

Being a long time fan of motorsport, I had just settled into vegetable mode for the race. Fridge loaded up and opened the first one 30 minutes after the start. Then a phone call telling me Mum had a stroke early in the morning - totally unexpected and out of the blue (and you may recall we lost Dad 8 weeks ago).

 

So, it's off to Brissie again in a few days (my brother and sister are at her bedside till I can get there and keeping me well informed) and gosh knows how long I'll be away this time.

 

Zaphod, remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. As long as you come out the other end OK, you've passed the exam that life sets you from time to time. And besides, you need to keep SWMBO and HWMBFE (he who must be fed and exercised) happy.

 

Cheers mate

Phil

[King Ruddager]

... What's more important is opening the discussion about mental health' date=' seeing as it is mental health week.[/quote']

 

Spot on

 

(PS. Paul - we need a "thumbs up" emoticon)

[Beeblebrox]

Thanks guys, and sorry for all you've been through Phil, life's a real turd from time to time, and sometimes the best you can do is just get through each day.

 

In my case it's been a day of avoiding the temptation to sink a few lovely chilled beers, as they rarely help when the black dog is nipping at your heels, so it's been following doctors orders and upping my med dosage just to get through a worse than usual day.

Better to get through the day in a mild haze than not get through the day or get through it feeling worse.

 

Hopefully I'll have it all in check enough by Thursday or Friday, so I can resume my usual debrief sessions over a few cold ones.

 

I hate having to go through this, but I guess if there's any upside to it, I'm getting used to my cycles and coping strategies for dealing with this sort of crap, and it usually consists of avoiding over-stimulation, trying to relax, and do a bit less, and if that doesn't help, break out the in case of use meds to keep things from getting too much.

 

I'm sure some would say I shouldn't drink at all, but everyone has to draw the line somewhere, and for me moderation rather than abstinence is my method; after all, what's the point of making good beer if you can't sit back and knock back a few cold ones from time to time?

 

I generally only drink on weekends, or on brewing or bottling day, and on those day's it's little more than a sample and a glass of a recent brew for comparison.

 

I'm not exactly winning at the moment, but I'm not losing, and that's good enough for me for now.

 

[ben 10]

 

I can empathise with you about your sheety weekend. Mine was a bit similar.

 

 

All the best buddy,,,

[Gibbo]

I'm not exactly winning at the moment' date=' but I'm not losing, and that's good enough for me for now.[/quote']

There are plenty of people who don't recognise that for the victory it is -- treading water may not get you anywhere, but its much better at keeping water out of your lungs than being still.

 

Talking with others about your own mental health is probably the hardest step, and it sounds like you've got that behind you now, so all the best for the future mate!

[Beeblebrox]

Bump........

 

OK so it was quite some time ago I started this thread, & now is some ways, this all seems like such a minor issue I was dealing with, but at the time it was very real & very upsetting.

 

So with that in mind; my daughter passed away from Osteosarcoma (bone cancer) in October.

She had a partial leg amputation back in early 2013 - a couple of months after the last time I saw her.

 

I tried my best to remain in contact with her throughout her illness, but on a number of occasions she hinted to me in a rather unsubtle way that her mother was not happy with her communicating with me, & communication suddenly came to a stop after a while.

 

I have nothing personally against my ex wife, but it has seemed to me for the past 14 years - since our marriage break up, & the divorce that followed a year later, that my daughter was a tool for her to use to keep me upset, miserable, & frustrated; the old if I can't be happy myself I'll make someone else miserable.

 

Anyway, after estrangement from my family, my ex, & my daughter I eventually summoned up the courage to try to tee up seeing my daughter whilst she was sick, only to have it turn into such a drama in simply discussing & trying to make arrangements, that I gave up.

 

To cut a long story short, after consultation with therapists, my current spouse, & long contemplation, I decided that in the event of her passing, I would not attend my daughter's funeral, as it would only put me in a more vulnerable position, allow others to inflict venom, spite & anger towards me, & allow them to provoke me & make me feel guilty.

 

My ex even sent me a nasty provocative, insulting & guilt ridden SMS from my daughter's mobile phone, & when I took her (my ex) to task on this, she insisted it was my daughter that sent it, & stated that if she got upset every time our daughter said things like that to her, she'd be useless.

Of course I caught her out in the end on this, but it was a shallow victory.

 

It took me a long time to come to accept my daughter's inevitable fate, & I am not sorry for the decision I made.

 

My ex contacted me via SMS to advise when my daughter passed away, & my semi estranged brother - who had been pestering me to try to force a meeting with my ex & my daughter, likewise sent me an SMS.

It ended up that my brother started stalking/harassing me, in the weeks before & after my daughter's passing.

Turning up on my doorstep unannounced, or after sending me an SMS saying he was coming over.

 

The week my daughter passed away he turned up again unannounced, unwanted, & unexpectedly, & as I was too fragile to cope, when I saw him I simply hid so he couldn't see me, then we contacted the police.

I wouldn't have done this, other than the fact my wife & I had already requested him to leave us alone, & he was not respecting our wishes.

I also got a condolence card from my parents; likewise unexpected, unannounced, & with no return address; knowing that they moved house earlier this year, & knowing that I don't have their current contact details, this was a low blow, & really was uncalled for, especially as there was no contact from them throughout my daughter's illness.

 

Fast forward to the weekend just passed, & my ex out of the blue (& again after being advised that further contact would be considered harassment), sent me a text saying she couldn't believe I would not contact her, that she was glad she no longer had any need to be part of my life, but generally insulting & laying guilt on me.

It was all I could do to read the message to my wife then as we agreed, delete the message.

 

I've worked too hard over the past year, since I originally posted, to let this get me back to where I was at when I started this thread.

 

Sure I'm taking meds, have been diagnosed with BPD, ASD, etc, but the vast majority of my symptoms have reduced or vanished, thanks to my acceptance of my situation.

I knew my daughter was dying, that I would not be able to see her again; & not because she didn't want to see me, or me her, but that her mother was too manipulative to allow this to happen without us both paying a high emotional & psychological price.

My family likewise were guilty of playing these Machiavellian games.

 

I've worked through all my issues with therapists, psychiatrists, & in conversations with those that care & understand.

So much so that if I were to seek diagnosis for my conditions now, it's likely only my ASD & BPD, would be diagnosed, & those only based on history, not on current behaviour, or thought patterns.

 

I guess I'm more or less just venting here, but it really gives me the poops that I get to the point of coping with my grief & loss, - a grief & loss that really started at the end of my first marriage - only to have my ex wife decide to needle me one last time, just so she can have the last word.

 

The last few days have been really hard, as my feelings of frustration, anger, resentment, & agitation towards my ex have resurfaced, thanks to her unwanted message, but I know the only way to "win" if that's possible, is to let it go.

That said, if I get another message from her, it will be time to call the cops, & have them follow up with her.

 

It's my right to have a happy life without her, it was my choice to have my daughter's funeral be an event for those more actively involved in her life, but my ex wife only gets one free pass so far as I'm concerned.

 

I get that she's in grief too, but I've suffered enough the past 14 years, & for me closure is knowing that she no longer has a right to bother me, or contact me if I don't want to hear from her.

 

That & knowing that my daughter is no longer suffering, from either the cancer, or the manipulation, & agitation that she was subjected to from her mother when trying to retain a relationship with me, her father.

 

13 years is long enough after divorce that further contact (when there are no children from the marriage alive) is not necessary or appropriate.

 

I wish her well for whatever she wants out of life, but she's run out of reasons to legitimately be part of mine.

 

As for my crappy neighbours, I just let them think what they want, mostly stay out of their way, & get on with my own life.

It seems the more I ignore them, the more they ignore me.

Not exactly a happy neighbourhood situation, but better than what was going on before.

 

Oh, & I still smoke out the front or back, but no one seems to want to try to take issue with it anymore, so though they may look at me funny, or even glare, they know I can do what I like within my tenancy, & that so long as I'm not breaching my tenancy agreement, there is nothing anyone can do about it.

[headmaster]

First time I’ve read your thread here beeblebrox. Crikey you have been on a tough road. Very sorry to hear about your daughter’s passing, but she is free now of more than just that horrible illness. I know that most of us here may not have faced as many challenges, but I guess most of us would probably agree that life is pretty damn hard anyway you slice it, and making the best of it where and when you can is very helpful for remaining within your right mind!

 

This is where I think getting into making beer comes in, as does fishing, or countless other cathartic pastimes, that take your focus away from complicated and stressful situations, and you focus on the task at hand, which in the case of brewing, means you (hopefully) end up with a bunch of very nice beverages to sit down and enjoy.

 

Each time you sit down to enjoy one, you can also forget about the troubles, like that nutbar next door.. That is what nicotine is so good for as well as you would probably agree, chilling, relaxing and clearing the clouds in the mind. But it comes at a price to your health of course. I was making do with an e-cig but getting back into brewing this year plus thinking of being around for my three kids has assisted me to have the strength to kick the stuff. Not an easy thing to do, to say the least. Here’s to better times ahead for you beeblebrox!

[Beeblebrox]

Yep, definitely focusing on the things you CAN do, & what can make you happy is much healthier than focusing on the bad stuff, which we all have to cope with, to a greater or lesser degree.

 

One of the things I'm regretful of, is my daughter was very keen on music, Sci Fi, & art; & other than going to the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Exhibition back in 2013-14, we didn't get a chance to share in that as much as I would have liked.

I sent her some music on a flash drive some time ago, as well as some books to read, DVD's etc, but the lack of face to face time in her life is something I really missed out on, & will never get a chance to make up for.

 

I remember clearly at one point she said she didn't know what to do or focus on; at the time it was either prior to her diagnosis, or before I knew about it, & as I took it at face value - a 14 y/o asking for parental advice on what to focus her efforts into, either on an educational or career path perspective, I told her to focus on her passions.

 

Not long after that, she really got into music & art in a big way.

She was a guitarist, but had also learned keyboards, violin, brass, & some other instruments.

 

Now every time I pick up my guitar, whether just mucking about, learning a new song, or trying to lay down some samples on my very rudimentary recording equipment (a multi effects pedal I plug into my stereo to record of very outdated audio tape technology), or have my weekly jam with my neighbour, I think of her.

 

In a way the connection is still there, sometimes I can almost feel her in the room, sometimes I just feel like I'm playing for her, in a way I couldn't when she was alive, but it helps me feel I'm being true to myself & to her, with my advice to focus on your passions.

 

My mental health will always be a battle for balance in my life, to keep the black dog away when I can, & to not let things overwhelm me.

Remembering that everything is transient, that all things will pass, including our current situation, our mood, emotions, & some relationships - as well as eventually our lives, helps keep things in perspective, & helps me retain enough sanity to get through each day.

Anything more than that is just a bonus.

 

As for my ex; I concur with her on one thing, I'm glad neither of us have to deal with each other again, as the relationship with her was toxic from the beginning, even when we were dating, then married; it's just that this turned into spite, resentment, & a level of jealousy when the marriage broke down.

 

I have had a great deal of counselling since then, however she is one of those people who thinks you get get through all this without having to vent, share or go through any therapy; so we only had one counselling session when the marriage was on the rocks, & she couldn't see the point.

 

I can't imagine her attitude has changed, & if that's the case I'm sorry for her, but not sorry enough to try to reconcile with her in any way; that ship has sailed, & it's not up to me to help her through her grief if she couldn't see her way clear to have an amicable relationship with me for the sake of our daughter, regardless of illness & death.

 

I really think she is the sort of person always wanting more than what she has in life, whether it be in her career, relationships, financial, or social status.

 

From when I met her, she was moving house every 12 months on average, until our daughter was 10 years old.

Likewise she would change jobs & cars almost as often, & that sort of behaviour is usually symptomatic of someone who is unsettled in nature, & thinks that the novelty of change to improve their situation is more valuable than stability.

 

I'm grateful that in the last few years, I've come to realize this (for want of a better term, status anxiety & seeking status through material possessions etc) is much less important than many people believe it is, & that in the end our situation in life depends at least as much on our attitude as it does on what we have.

 

So long as you have what you need, it's not so bad not always having what you want, as when you eventually get it (what you want, rather than need), you're more grateful, & if you don't attain it, probably you can do without it anyway.

 

It's just a bugger I had to go through so much to find a level of contentment in my life that I suspect many attain without so much hardship.

 

Cheers.

[headmaster]

Wise words BB.

 

For what it's worth, I do believe your daughter is around you for some of your time, especially when you are doing those things you wanted to share with her and didn’t quite manage to have enough time to do them. This is something your ex-wife can’t mess with finally..

 

On the plus side, I have found that you can build an enormous amount of wisdom and strength being forced to deal with people like your ex wife, once you have been able to pull clear, which it sounds like you are in the process of doing.

 

Given a bit of isolation away from this fruitloop, I think you will gain much confidence and resilience and reach a point where she couldn’t hurt you if she bust a gut trying, and you would find her attempts humorous and childlike.

 

[King Ruddager]

If this sort of abuse left visible bruises then your ex would be in jail. I'm glad to hear that you're in a better place now and I hope that all the mental stuff continues to wind down for you.

[My Shih-tzu]

As for my ex; I concur with her on one thing, I'm glad neither of us have to deal with each other again, as the relationship with her was toxic from the beginning, even when we were dating, then married; it's just that this turned into spite, resentment, & a level of jealousy when the marriage broke down.

 

 

I don't know you mate but I feel like I know you and I thank you for sharing your lived experiences with potential strangers. I am no stranger to the black beast (refuse to call it a dog because most dogs that i have met are too lovely to wear that baggage). I have sister who sounds very much like your ex missus. Basically some of these people are just bullies - I have vivid memories from Primary School of the occasional really nasty person who just wanted to wipe the smile from your face that day, just for the hell of it. As they go through life they find that there are only certain people that they can safely get a rise out of with their petulant behaviour (without risking some sort of unwanted retaliation) so they restrict their said behaviour to their perennial victims. A total break away from them is the only way in which you can safely curb any return to the previous rituals of abuse. Your life can never be enriched by wanting to stay in touch with a serial bully.

[Beeblebrox]

If this sort of abuse left visible bruises then your ex would be in jail. I'm glad to hear that you're in a better place now and I hope that all the mental stuff continues to wind down for you.

 

Yep.

With all the talk lately about domestic violence, it's somewhat frustrating that the focus mainly on the physical violence.

 

Police, psychologists, counsellors, & social workers all know that domestic violence begins with psychological & emotional abuse, which though not physical is still violence.

 

If more was done to nip this sort of abuse in the bud, there would be less escalation into physical violence, & people like Rosie Batty wouldn't need to get on their soapbox.

 

Furthermore, it's clearly not always women who are victims of men, though obviously it usually is.

 

I guess as much as my ex despises me, & as awkward as I feel about the whole scenario, & much as I was hurt in the process, it's better that I suffered depression & ill mental health, & allowed myself to be the victim in a way, than if I had retaliated, & the situation had been allowed to escalate to physical harm.

 

My ex will now have a choice of trying to find a new victim, repeat the cycle, & remain resentful the rest of her life, or be forced to face the fact that the greatest impediment to her happiness is her own attitude.

I wouldn't want to be the counsellor that breaks that to her!