AussieJosh Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 I thought a few of you might like these....i have put a * at the begining and end of a few of my favs! Enjoy! :) You can never buy beer, you just rent it. -- "Archie Bunker" Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer. -- Al Bundy Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and to celebrate the good days. -- Ancient Egyptian Credo The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. -- Ancient Egyptian wisdom I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night. -- Ancient Greek proverb God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer. -- Anne Sexton Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. -- Anonymous Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder. -- Anonymous Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. -- Anonymous Life is too short to drink cheap beer. -- Anonymous *Drink triple, see double, and act single. -- Anonymous * I drink, therefore, I am. -- Anonymous Give a man a beer, he'll drink for the day.Teach a man to brew, he'll be drunk the rest of his life. -- Anonymous Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy. -- Benjamin Franklin There can't be good living where there is not good drinking. -- Benjamin Franklin ...Actually, I'm a drinker with writing problems. -- Brendan Behan When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! -- Brian O'Rourke You sit back in the darkness, nursing your beer, breathing in that ineffable aroma of the old-time saloon: dark wood, spilled beer, good cigars, and ancient whiskey - the sacred incense of the drinking man. -- Bruce Aidells People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. -- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. -- Catherine Zandonella SAM: What's new, Normie? NORM: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer. -- Cheers SAM: What'd you like, Normie? NORM: A reason to live. Give me another beer. -- Cheers SAM: What'll you have Normie? NORM: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap. SAM: Looks like beer, Norm. NORM: Call me Mister Lucky. -- Cheers WOODY: What's the story, Mr. Peterson? NORM: The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending. -- Cheers WOODY: Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you. NORM: I know. If she calls, I'm not here. -- Cheers WOODY: How's it going, Mr. Peterson? NORM: Poor. WOODY: I'm sorry to hear that. NORM: No, I mean pour. -- Cheers WOODY: Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson? NORM: All right, but stop me at one. Make that one-thirty. -- Cheers WOODY: What's going on, Mr. Peterson? NORM: The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody. -- Cheers WOODY: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson? NORM: Pretty nervous if I was in the room. -- Cheers WOODY: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up? NORM: The warranty on my liver. -- Cheers SAM: What do you say, Norm? NORM: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer. -- Cheers COACH: What would you say to a beer, Normie? NORM: Daddy wuvs you. -- Cheers SAM: What do you know there, Norm? NORM: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me? -- Cheers COACH: Can I draw you a beer, Norm? NORM: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one. -- Cheers CLIFF: Hey, Norm, What's up? NORM: My blood-alcohol level. -- Cheers Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow. -- Cicero A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure. -- Czech Proverb The government will fall that raises the price of beer. -- Czech Saying Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. -- Dave Barry Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. -- Dave Barry When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. -- Dave Barry All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. -- Dave Barry If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. -- David Daye Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. -- David Moulton Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire. -- David Rains Wallace *I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -- Dean Martin* If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy Life begins at 60 - 1.060, that is. -- Denny Conn Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into. -- Don Marquis Beer is a wholesome liquor....it abounds with nourishment. -- Dr. Benjamin Rush, American physician You're all wanking sissies if you even think about using a grain mill, teeth, or ball-peen hammer. A real brewer uses 17 vestal virgins stomping on the grain in a large wooden vat. And yeast is for losers. True brewers just dip one end of their dog into the wort to get things going. -- Drew Avis Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances; I am drinking ale today. -- Edgar Allan Poe I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds. -- Ernest Hemingway Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -- Ernest Hemingway An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. -- Ernest Hemmingway, "For Whom the Bell Tolls" I'll have another beer. I'm not driving. -- Father Theodore, Trappist Monk You can't have a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER. -- Frank Zappa Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer. -- Frekerick William Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand. -- Fritz Maytag, American brewer *I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan* If my mother was tied up and held ransom, I might think about making a light beer. -- Greg Koch, CEO and co-founder of Stone Brewing Put it back in the horse! -- H. Allen Smith, after he drank his first American beer. *When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henny* Youngman All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. -- Homer Simpson Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. -- Homer Simpson The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -- Humphrey Bogart I'm Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death. -- Jack Kerouac I meditate and put on a rubber tire with three bottles of beer. Most of the time I just sit picking my nose and thinking. -- James Gould Cozzens on what he does in his study. Gimme a pigfoot and a bottle of beer. -- Janis Joplin Why do I drink? So that I can write poetry. -- Jim Morrison We're wanted men, we'll strike again, but first let's have a beer. -- Jimmy Buffett The pub knows a lot, almost as much as the churches. -- Joyce Carey Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. -- Kaiser Welhelm "Sir, you're drunk!" "Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly." -- Lady Astor and Winston Churchill Life alas, is very drear. Up with the glass, down with the beer! -- Louis Untermeyer Uncle Hank, V-8 juice has eight vitamins. Beer has one: barley. -- Luanne from King of the Hill A pleasant apertif, as well as a good chaser for a short quick whiskey, as well again for a fine supper drink, is beer. -- M. F. K. Fisher, American writer The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work. -- Mark Twain They didn't trademark everything back then. Now someone farts and they put a TM after it. Even Miller Lite says 'A Fine Pilsner Beer' on the label. It is a crime. -- Michael Jackson, the Beer Hunter Women and drink. Too much of either can drive you to the other. -- Michael Still I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion. -- Miguel de Cervantes I've always thought why no one has made a women's perfume to smell like beer. I know that would turn me on. -- Nate Sampson (aka N8) Work is the curse of the drinking classes. -- Oscar Wilde He was a wise man who invented beer. -- Plato God made yeast, as well as dough, and he loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson Beer has long been the prime lubricant in our social intercourse and the sacred throat-anointing fluid that accompanies the ritual of mateship. To sink a few cold ones with the blokes is both an escape and a confirmation of belonging. -- Rennie Ellis What event is more awfully important to an English colony than the erection of its first brewhouse? -- Reverend Sidney Smith The Church is near by the road is icy. The bar is far away but I will walk carefully. -- Russian Proverb No, sir: There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn. -- Samuel Johnson I would give all my fame for a pot of ale, and safety. -- Shakespeare, King Henry V Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live. -- Socrates I recommend..bread, meat, vegetables, and beer. -- Sophocles I work until beer o'clock. -- Stephen King There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better. -- Stephen Morris Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish;Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. -- The Bible, Proverbs, Chapter 31 verse 6 and 7 I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. -- Tom Waits I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't find a drink. -- Tom Waits A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. -- W. C. Fields Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink. -- W. C. Fields What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -- W.C. Fields I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me. -- W.C. Fields It is a fair wind that blew men to the ale. -- Washington Irving They who drink beer will think beer. -- Washington Irving The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. -- William Butler Yeats I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. -- Winston Churchill Whiskey and Beer are a man's worst enemies... but the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward! -- Zeca Pagodinho (Brazilian songwriter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PB2 Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Now that work has got me twittering :roll: , I might need to draw on some of these one-liners when I have nothing else to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THIRSTY MATT Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 what paul said!!! GREAT POST JOSH!!!! IM GONNA COPY N PASTE IT TO MY DESK TOP IN A FILE!!! CHEERS matt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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